go ahead! ask!
I fucking did it
I finished my first novel
it’s only like 25k words long so some of you are gonna be like ‘haha novel what no’ but I want you to know that I consider it a novel so you can all suck on it neener neener, also you should read it because there’s nothing like master/servant dynamics and diabolical political intrigue and painful deconstructions of unrequited love
it’s called Sword of Honor and it’s an incredibly loose AU of The Dark Knight Rises and I think someday I might try to flesh it out and rub off the serial numbers and sell it??? Also it contains some of my finest emotionally-wrenching sex scenes I guess (although nothing will ever match Honored Guest/Savior, Foe in my book).
If we’re already talking about this, I have a question that’s been bugging me for a while now
How comes that you don’t smell bad at all when you’re sweating your ass off in a sauna??? D:
Cause it’s fresh sweat. If you sweated your ass off in a sauna and then stewed in your sweat for a few hours instead of showering/toweling off/jumping in a snowbank/whatever, the bacteria that live on your skin would have time to digest and shit out the sugars and other things in your apocrine sweat— effectively fermenting your pits— and you would smell like a twelve-ton horse colon full of onions.
Sweat doesn’t inherently stink. Without bacteria, it wouldn’t stink at all. It has to spoil like milk to stink. This is why, if you’re having trouble keeping yourself un-stinky during the summer, you can apply a coat of hand sanitizer to your pits and/or crotchal region (avoiding any mucous membranes of course) after a soapy shower, under any deodorant you might choose to use, or possibly even instead of it.
Your pit bacteria will regenerate, of course, but using hand sanitizer can keep the population low enough that you don’t reek within ten minutes.
(I actually write my Elves with a bit of body hair most of the time, just not visible - basically like the very fine hair that makes your cheeks feel ‘peachy’, also a very soft, silky sort of pubic hair (because it fits with my personal aesthetic preferences))
Fun facts! Apocrine glands are closely related to mammary glands— in fact, milk is a form of sweat, and crotch/pit sweat is just a tad milky. (Thus the smell.) But elves’ apocrine sweat, if they have it, might smell very different from ours, since the smell comes largely from bacteria eating the milky stuff; they might, for instance, have antibacterial properties in their sweat, leaving them with a really good clean fresh-sweat smell when they get lathered up.
People shouldn’t be shamed for what they eat
Wanna eat meat? That’s okay
Wanna not eat meat? That’s okay
Wanna not eat anything the comes from animals at all? That’s okay
People shouldn’t be ashamed of what they eat, unless it’s people. Don’t eat people.
I totally wanna fry up a slice of placenta someday just to ~see~
you got a problem with that
YOU NIQQAS WANNA LEARN ELVISH?! HERE YA GO!
is this legit?
This is legit. My husband, sitting across the room, looks over and says, “IS THAT SOMEONE SHOWING HOW TO CONVERT ENGLISH TO TENGWAR? BECAUSE THAT’S THE WAY!”
Believe this man. He owns atlases of Middle Earth, the complete history of Middle Earth (leatherbound), and has read the books at least 150 times. Also: speaks elvish.
What if there are two vowels in a row?
Does anyone know the answer to that last question?
I believe you find the closest approximation in sound (‘u’ with a silent ‘e’ at the end replaces ‘oo’, for instance) and just go with it. Although that does beg the question of diphthongs, always one of the trickiest types of phonemes to wrap one’s head around. (Did you know that the English “long I” sound, as in ‘mice’, is a diphthong— a vowel blend— of ‘ah’ and ‘ee’?)
Really, though, this is the best introduction to Tengwar I’ve ever seen. Applause, man. Wow.
“ oz-lion said: You are strong and we believe in you! ”
okay I’m not gonna finish it quite by 8 am but instead of wimping out I’m making two hot cups of strong tea (so I don’t have to get up) and a pan of popovers and I am going to write this denouement if it KILLS ME
okay it’s like six-thirty am and i finished the climax of the story and I’m going to take a shower and have some food and then write the denouement oh my god
I’m gonna finish this fuckin novel by 8 am or I’m gonna die trying
It’s not very long and it’s a shitty-ass fantasy-pastiche AU batman fanfiction but by God I will finish my first novel on this day